At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
