i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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