And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
