I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
