What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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