Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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