Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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