Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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