My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
