dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
