Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Who put my cat in the fridge?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
