I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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