im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
