First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
