Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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