the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
