I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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