my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
