Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
