Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
