do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
