Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
