a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Text me some of your sweat
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
