I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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