Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
