You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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