i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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