Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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