I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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