The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
