i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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