I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
