I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I wish my penis had an off switch
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
