I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
