We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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