Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
