'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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