I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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