BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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