His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
