And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
