apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
