Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
