Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
