she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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