laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
