Whatcha textin bout Willis?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
