i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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