I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
