No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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