Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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