Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
