I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
