I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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