i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
